I just want to scream

I think we complete each other,
souls made of the same organic element-
that fit with mirroring shapes. Are we both of sky? or I earth and you wind. Sex and Love.
We both have trouble with intimacy. But the emotional side comes naturally to you and the physical embrace comes naturally to me. Maybe we can teach each other. 
I understand your fear, just as you understand mine.
we have needs, physical and emotional.
You want to feel me from the inside, but as soon as its time to take the plunge
you retreat. feel guilty for leading me on, for not following through and depriving yourself.
Past experiences defining what it means to love or fuck, what happens when people venture into eachother.
Its not that you arnt attracted to me and Im sorry I asked if you were gay.
I didnt make the connection. and It makes sense that in the coin of love-
one of us would feel okay about one side but not the other.
My downfall is the most crucial, I have one small hand reaching up
hoping you grab mine. to be in love what a feeling I can only imagine.
Like you imagining how it would feel to have me completely yours,
hugging you wet and sweetly. To be loved by you would
be my hearts climax but the fears! You tell yourself to be brave but you dont know what to do.
There are expectations. How to love, how to fuck. You worry your technique wont be good enough. I worry that my vulnerable outstretched hand of affection wont compare to the girls you've loved before me. You dont realize that as long as its with you its the best sex of my life. and I dont realize that as long as its with me, I can be a fool and my love is all you need. The problem IS self love, ultimately.  There are parts about myself I dont love and refuse to show anyone. The companionship, the dancing of souls requires complete surrender. barfing up every unsightly hidden thing about yourself till your both staring into a grotesque pile of puke and laughing about it. I know everything happens when its supposed to. But Im wondering why you've come into my life so early. Something so beautiful. You a lifted, silk winged butterfly who carries the sunshine in your smile beckons me to fly before my time. Am I ready, am I doubting myself to much? If I try to fly will I fall and batter my chances of flying agian? Is it worth the risk, can you wait for me to muster the courage to try.

o.O

Are other peoples minds calm?

blanket of love

Its like im coming down all the time
and your my favorite blanket.
Underneath and I get too warm,
But crave your familiarity and softness.
Sweating and rolling in circles I cant fight it any longer.
Take the covers off and your cast on the floor cuz I cant keep a stable temperature.
Then Im freezing, and chills run through my spine.
Im erratic. The moon frightens me and shadows jump from behind bookshelves,
I need you again, the warmth at first is so calming. Dusting you off I never
want you off of me. but again I sweat. Think how better suited you'd
folded across the bed of someone who can sleep soundly and keeps you clean.
Remembering the times when I slept that way. Reluctant to give you away
Your my only chance at warmth but on the floor you lay

fuck

music is a blessing

I hope this isnt the end :(

Id rather hurt, than have him hurt.
But in just being who i am it feels out of my control.
Being untrue to myself would be missleading,
Being true to myself leads into chaos.
If I was misstaken for someone with emotional maturity I appologive for
misrepresenting myself. I shouldnt have made myself seem ready for love
when Im so very far from it. And he is made of love.

mission sabotage is in motion.
How can invisible feelings feel like unbreakable shackles?