And of course Im head over heals for him,
He is the epidemy of anything Ive ever admired in someone.
I feel like a monster besides his radiance his selflessness and eagerness to please.
He deserves an angel of grace not deceit. But arnt we all human,
Harboring our infantile needs and first pounding tantrums.
Looking back I'll wish I hadnt made things so painfuly difficult.
Just relaxed and take love for what its worth and return it. let myself be happy,
But I wouldn't be this way if it felt like a choice.
I think I'll always be more or less alone.
Ive become accustomed to him seeing my vulnerable side,
Its my ugly side Im trying to shield him from.
The one with the broken heart is never at fault.
So Im learning. What im doing is rotting my heart from the inside out,
where as he might feel some mild bruising.
there is no pain like inflicting pain,
on someone you love.
maybe this is a manifestation of self loathing.
I have an addiction to hurting myself.
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