I dont know why bad things happen

Its probubly the only time I believe in god,
My trust in fate is defied- by lifes outpour of evil.
My mother deserves nothing but the very best.
She is the one and only good person in my life,
and some force out there is trying to take her from me.
trying to rob her of all the beauty that should come to her.
After the doctor expained the results she called Adam...
I cant be mad at her. She doesnt want to be alone,
especially if the promise of life is fleeting,
but I wish she had time to meet someone worth her time.
someone to cuddle with, and love who treated her well.
who was as deserving of the extrodinary love she supplies,
and could return it healthily. I want to be angry, to say fuck god.
fuck whatever is inflicting this upon us at a time that is already so hard.
We are getting evicted, my mom is tierd down with court,
and her dosing of methadone. Emotional trama from her ex boyfriend.
I am struggling, unable to provide for us and worn down from months
of one cold realisation after the other. It doesnt seem fair,
and challenges my belief that everything happens for a reason.
I refuse to believe that there is any good reason my mom should be put through this.
I have met deserving people, I have met people who should have the life sucked from them.
I want my mom with me always, knitting and laughing, with companionship, in nature.

honestly

Next time I see you,
and your eye brows are raised,
and you talk to fast and your body moves when you laugh...


Its going to take tremendous effort not to attack your face

Its been a journey of lovesick theives,
and clamy pale boneless skin,
gripping baggies, and slowly rolling,
a glass tube from side to side. inhale...
Now Release. Head flung back, a blank stare,
pulse questionabe. are we dead?
is it over? no, still beating and still high.
He turns to me and smiles, I melt...
like the chemical death he sucks, passes to me.
Their is no pause, no natural shyness.
Their would be, had we met in another life.
Had we been children in a sandbox, or
souls with a better start on life. Our eyes would dart in and out of one anothers.
Like staring into a mirror, we would be one. I see you seeing me see you. forever.
The kiss that never came, remains imagined on my lips.
all I tasted that night was smoke. all he would remeber,
is the smell of splattered blood. It could have been my blood.
My throat slit, a rope unravelling from my wrists, and alarmingly smooth puddle-
a terrible red almost black. I am spilling onto the floor.
This is what happends when you fall for tweekers.
This is what happends when some one almost dies,
when someone forgets that you loved them.
When you only want good things,
and cant stop seeing his name everywhere.
But nothing ever changes.
Stay, and you'll die.