and my body cries out,
"more, more, more, more."

you cannot experience such intense feelings of euphoria,
without falling into a sudden depression-
to find that your feelings of completeness, and carefree lust for life,
was only an artificail chemical reaction in your brain.

as the feelings wane, its like shock.
then despare. please dont let this feeling end, please dont make me go back to the way things were.

and I feel angry and betrayed. like my best freind has walked out on me.
left me with nothing. and then its like sickness. my mind spinning,
unsure why I cant feel so good all the time, and that the previous joy was a lie.
I have been robbed, I have been tricked.

Its heartbreak, falling out of love, its abandonmet from your mother,
your caretaker, its every miserable lonely feel combined into one.

Your sweating now. trying to sleep and close your eyes,
but when your eyes shut its a nightmare still intensified.

The following day-
Today...

I feel absolutly disgusted.
my actions the previous night, general fatigue,
and an intollerance for those around me.
the night before I felt tottal devotion and admiration for those around me.
Now I feel like driving a skrewdriver through my skull everytime my mother or adam opens there mouth.
I hate everyone. I want to be alone. I want more extacy. more more more extacy.
because without-
my mundane bored tick tock tick tock existance is intollerable.

life just fucking sucks.
why shouldnt I feel good all the time?