Fallen back down the rabbit hole

It just isnt fair,
To want someone so badly...
your heart dropped into a blender,
Head cast down. ashamed at the thought,
that maybe you arnt good enough.

I have found that good looks alone are only half the battle,
the rest of which I am severly lacking.
I am afraid to be myself, afraid of saying the wrong thing-
and losing the only thing I feel can make me happy.

Once I get that idea in my head,
The phantom sensation of his skin on mine.
I go mad with desire. I want to know him inside out,
and bath in his smiles. I cannot have anyone else.

I want no food, no sleep, no destractions-
from this strange obsession with a stranger.

Is there any way of talking myself out of this?
Lust is a deaf, unreasonable charecter.
And although I try to calm myself,
there is a panting bitch inside of me,
who has spotted her ideal mate.
The strongest of the pack.

But he seems to have cast her aside.
She is a pup. he is 22. she has nothing.
He has it all figured out.

Now im scared, that maybe I should just hide.
meeting him once, five days ago, I feel like their is to much unesiccary emotion attached-
for it to ever work out. The stress level is to high, my eyes would dark from side to side.

Make it fun. lose expectations.
The fear of abandonment is at root.
need to cut the tree from the ground,
so that I may be free...