Trying to create yourself makes you stray father from who you really are.
The things you want to change, the way you want to talk, look, and act.
The way you want to be seen is like a dirty love affair with the person you are not.
But the human carrying these longings, that is you. searching and insecure.
You find them and make friends. find beauty in the way you have been.
your manorisms, your essence that is unlike any other.
Your body produces pharamones. you own sent. allow this to match your exterrior.
then something wonderful happends.
its hope. and self respect. and contentment.
its many things. all great things.
I stated that we dont create who we are, we fall into it. This is something that I've intentionally changed in my brain. I've come to the conclusion inside myself that...
The creation of who we are doenst have to be something that is thought out and planned. And what it boils down to, in my opinion, is a prefrence in termonology. I prefer to say I create as I go, for the sake of being in control. If I were to say that I'm simply discovering, than, in my head, it tells me that who I am is already pre-determined. I would hate to live my life like that. I would feel as if the road I'm to travel has already been marked out for me, when really, I wish to blaze my own path.
My skeleton and skin, and my brain, also I suppose, are more than just a carrying vessel. They're the glue that holds everything together. They somehow intertwine who I am, who I'm not, and how I wish I was. Instead of a dirty love affair, it becomes a dirty three some. And I suppose that in desperate times, one could look in my eyes, and see a warped understanding of the world, because of the clashing and meshing of these three things. However, when how I wish I was merges with who I am, than I create another aspect of who I am not. And in this I find harmony. I've just created a better understanding, right?
As far as pharamones and essence and my own scent are concerned, (I'm going to approach this as if I was an animal, lol and I have no idea how pharamones scientifically work in your body, but in my head right now, this all will make sense lol) I think I have control over those too. To a certain extent, obviously my essence (my personality, my likes and dislikes, my characteristics of spirit, NOT BODY) were determined at a young age. But only the base is still present in my brain today. For example, when I was younger, I played with barbies. I LOVED my barbies! Everytime I played with them, I became over cheerful, and gave off an incredibly happy vibe. Now, I fuckin hate those things. I hate what they unintentionally potentially teach to young girls. They disgust me. Im sure that looking at one today, I would give off a different vibe.
My point of all this, is that likes and dislikes in people change on a daily basis. There is no such thing as a consistant essence, or an unchanging deffinition of who we are. It not something that ever stops progressing. I create as I go.
we break our own hearts. insanely true.
but heart break is part of the beauty of life.
But as with coloring-
as long as you are happy, scribble the fuck out of that page.
in the end a nicely colored one will amount to nothing.
its the process of expression that matters.
OK, a lot of things in life are beautiful. Heartbreak, is NOT one of them. What is pretty about crying endlessly, or feeling like youre drowing everytime you try to breathe deep? Uhh, no thank you! I will agree however that the lessons learned from heartbreak are priceless. And in order to learn and grow as humans, we must experience emotional pain.
A responce to the next paragraph will have to be given at a different time, I need extra time to process this.
you have to find it all on your own. no one can help you.
you have to take a deep breath and discover whats out there to be taken.
if you follow your heart, and are in the right place it will not dissapoint.
Are you sure? What if following your heart mean defying your brain. Or lets say, youre in the right place, like Rosemont, and youre heart tells you to run.
Everyone needs help in life.
And finding fulfillment, takes luck.
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