I am refusing to write poems about him.



To program my neurons into a pattern-


a name, a face, a proton of hope,


Until my excited little brain cells are firing madly,


Like fireworks. Cheering for joy, Triggering


a surge of hormones into my wiring-


an inevitable malfunction. Fizzling, and bubbling


Fatal alergic reatcion to my better judgment.


Nameless, Faceless, Genderless friend-


You are forbiden to play havok in my brain space,


Sneek your way in and you will be anialated like a virus.










I never realised-


without a male as my muse,


I am 100% dry and out of inspiration.


how could this be, always considered myself such a thoughtful


and interesting person. come to find out,


I am shallow and cliche. hmmm. learn something new everyday.










I dont want to complain. I dont want to write myself to tears.


I long to inspire, and write about the good,


Craddle my compassion, and eat sour patch kids.


Let them get stuck in my teeth, grow plump without shame.


Stop using big words, tell my story-


but it doesnt have to be sad. Reek with regret.


With my writting I want to explore.


And Coldplay 'Green Eyes' three days ago,


could bring me to quiet convulsing sobs.


but listening to it now it feels okay.


Meloncholy, and slow but a wonderful thing.


"honey I could never go on without you"


There are many who glow inside...


I will never be one who feels close to people.


It doesnt come naturally to me, I thrive inside my head-


In my own company, with my own agenda.


I harbor my demons, but learning step by step how to overcome them.


There is nothing in my life that conveys success.


I have failed, dropped out of school, abused those that did not deserve it.


But I prevail. I will always fucking prevail. Regardless of anyone-


Societies standards of cool and normal, and stariotypical.


I know what feels right, where my feet chose to be planted into the ground.


This journey will be at times, friendless, seemingly hopeless,


speckled with rejection- like freckles on the back fat of a fallen star.


"Blue eyes, Blue eyes, I could never go on without you"


Life kicks my ass, but Im still throwing punches.


I can beat this insanity, tame the cruel world around me,


Let go of lovers, I can hold myself. assure that blue eyes stay dry.




WAJIKRLJFLEJFTRL:DJGO:JT:GLJ


ERRRRGGGG!!!!!!








You never break charecter- But you arnt nearly creative enough to deepen the plot.






Sit with pain. sit with hurt. sit with rejection. sit with the feeling of being unloved.


This is normal. it can be overcome,

Life has freah cookies for you in the oven-
and their gunna be DANKKKK. unlike the burnt, shit youve been eatting.
Life must have used splenda on that last batch..