because I know the day ahead holds the same monotonous string of events,
as the day before, and the day before that. Im a believer in rutien,
but it seems a waste to bother rolling out of bed when there isnt anything worth getting up for.
Im in a bad mood before I even open my eyes, and when the faint yelling streams into my consiousness-
growing louder and louder, the fuck yous, and petty insults thrown back and forth..
I wish I could stay asleep and wake up somewhere else. Its like a soap oprea left on tv,
all hours of the day. I am so sick of them. so fed up with myself. so done with my life.
I had all these hopes for what seattle would be like. Like my big life changing experience,
where I could find my niche, and blossom into a person I enjoy being.
I could have friends, and go to raves, be independent and support myself.
but I feel more like an angry leech, sucking my mother for resources,
then sitting bitterly in digust at how litttle I have. greed substitutes emotional emtiness.
I think if the sun would only come out things could be so much better.
at least then I could pretend to have some optimism, but the gloom of
a sky so thick with clouds, I feel like im choking on death everytime I look outside.
It gets dark to early, spoiling my motivation to go anywhere- in a town I dont know, alone, in blackness.
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