I over reacted.
he called tonight and appologized.
I acted indifferent. casual.
he got a job working at the airport.
which is great. but I wont get to see him as much.
he asked if I wanted to hang out tonight.
I said yeah, but we would have to stay around here because I lost my house key.
he promised to call me when he got home. alright. its chill.

I hate the way Im dependent on someone to feel okay.
earlier today I was a mess, because i didnt think he cared.
I didnt understand why. I rehersed in my head all the things I did wrong.
trying to see things from him perspective, hyperfocused on my flaws.
now things feel managable. my self esteem intact.

Today was a wierd day though. I woke up after only four hours of sleep,
was late for school, and threw up at the bus stop. haha.
took an ADD pill to try and wake up, but it only made my body feel shakey and worn,
and my mind skattered. I texted doug, but he never responded.
I made it to CCC but was late, and sick. so I never went in to class.

Got on the 33, and went to back to oak grove.
waited at the stop till ten, then went shopping at the dig.
tried on some shirts, bought one for 3 dollars.

walked home, and took a hot shower.
layed down and took a nap.
woke up and bought a five bowl from my neighbor.
called doug, and he said hed call me tonight after work at 8.
and he remembered! haha.

shit.