trying to flush out the memories

alone in my driveway.
ten at night, I finished the ciggarete.
I tried not to think about it.
and I layed on my back and looked at the stars.
trying to reclaim them. the constelations you pointed out.
your lazy drone, as we stared into the sky stoned as shit
after we filled your bong with river water, and got high on the cold rock.
walking home, we were standing in the middle of the road.
I asked you about those stars, and we searched the sky.
"you see those three stars?"

"where?"
he leaned closer. my head touching his shoulder. he pointed.

"...there... you see it?"
"yeah, next to those two big ones?"

"thats orians belt...and then..." he shifted,

"there, that makes his bow," you posed in an arches stance,
"he's like that"                                     "I see it."

your so smart, I thought. you could teach me so many things.
then you rode your bike into the distance. and I snuck back into my house.
now when I look up, i think of that moment. and its hard not to want to call.
my phone was in my pocket. and it made sense...
that there i was. smoking this stupid ciggarette that we were suposed to share.
and you wouldnt call. it should have been at that  moment that you called.
it should have been right then.
but it wasnt. and I knew it wouldnt be.
so I looked down at my legs. my back still on the pavement.
I layed my hands across my stomach. and knew I was complete without you.
these are still my stars. we shared them once. but now your fuckn gone.
so I have to get used to sharing them with myself.
knowing I will be alright. and wanting you,
is only to fill an emptyness.
that i can fill myself.
if I try.